I am one of those people who love inspirational quotes. LOVE them. I collect funny ones, ones that are ironic, ones that make me nod. But then there are these other quotes. Quotes by insane people. People who say crazy things and I, for one, am fed up with it.

For example there are people who will say “There’s no such thing as bad weather, only unsuitable clothing.”

Look here, Mr. Alfred Wainwright, there is too bad weather. There is that ridiculous wet January cold front that blows in the minute you have to walk your very enthusiastic terrier at 6:30 a.m. This is the dog you must walk because it’s the one thing he looks forward to all day and he has those puppy dog eyes and you feel guilty so you pull out your “suitable clothing,” a flashlight, because the good lord has not turned the lights on yet, a plastic “I hope this biodegrades” poop bag, and go for a walk. By the time you get back, you’re soggy, groggy and muddy. That’s what we in the dog walking biz call “miserable/bad weather.”

Then there is the saying from the princess of folding, Marie Kondo, “the objective of cleaning is not just to clean, but to feel happiness living within that environment.”

Whoa. Am I the only person who feels like that’s a little too much pressure? I mean I feel somewhat accomplished if the sink and the dishwasher are empty at the same time (seriously, there should be a medal for that). After a

big clean (which is rare, I’ll admit), I have a tremendous sense of dread. Because all it will take is one sock, one candy wrapper, one discarded tissue, one shake from the dog to destroy the house. Even if you lock everyone out of the house, it’s still not safe. You’ll get everything clean then, in the ray of the sun pouring into the sparkling clean window, you’ll see it. Fuzz. Dust motes. All zeroing in on every surface you just wiped down.

Seriously. It makes my eye twitch. This could be why I tend to leave one room, usually my office, a little messy. That’s where I’m actually happy. Because in there, the bar is low. A little dust, a sock, they just all blend right in.

And here’s one of my favorites. Like most quotes, there’s part of me that wants to believe it. But then I have this voice inside of me, the one I try not to let speak up at parties, that says “Oh, really?” and you can just see her rolling her eyes. It’s this one: “An obstacle is often a stepping stone.”

Bill, or Mr. Prescott, I’m here to tell you what any grammarian worth her salt will tell you: the actual definition of an obstacle is something that is IN YOUR WAY. Period. Sure you can go over it, or around it, but most decent obstacles are not designed to be stepped on because THEN THEY ARE NOT OBSTACLES.

You see why I don’t take that voice to parties? She is a real pain to be around.

Like I said, for the most part I love quotes, so I’ll leave you with a favorite from the great Charlie Chaplin: “A day without laughter is a day wasted.”

Winter Prosapio is a writer, a wife, and a working mom of two girls, two cats, and one ridiculously enthusiastic terrier mix.

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