The Great Cascarone Attack of 2020 will go down in history as one of the best executions of confetti-laden warfare of all time.

In case you have lived a sheltered life — not a sheltered-in-place life, though, haha… wait, too soon? — a cascarone is a brightly dyed eggshell that has been filled with confetti, then sealed with a tiny bit of tissue paper. Pro tip — you are supposed to crush the egg in your hand right as you “break it” on someone’s head because those eggs shells are surprisingly hard.

It all started with our weekly foray into the wilds with our short list of errands. Since Grammy is a woman missing part of a lung, she is under strict orders to let us do all her running around. It keeps us pretty busy on our once-a-week trips, frankly. So, I’m going to say that’s why I was thoroughly caught by surprise by enemy troops.

But more on that in a moment. Since our kids are largely grown and I’m not a fan of sweeping, cascarone battles (which are common at our house during Easter and San Antonio’s Fiesta) are limited strictly to outdoors. Unfortunately, in the last few years, both Easter and Fiesta have coincided with oak pollen high points, so we sort of stopped cracking cascarones on each other’s heads because it wasn’t worth the ensuing sneezing attacks and swollen eyes.

Still, every Easter I pick up a dozen at the grocery store, which may be out of bleach, but has plenty of cascarones, and then the Easter Bunny hides them along with their plastic counterparts around the living room (see oak pollen above). Then, usually the cascarones end up being put away with the baskets and never used for their true purpose.

Not this year, folks. Not this year.

We had just finished dropping off Grammy’s requested items on her porch for decontamination and were about to pull into our circle drive. However, Sierra’s van was too close to a rock that I usually skirt, so I had to park in a different spot.

Meanwhile, hidden behind a different, larger rock close to the house was my husband Adam, clutching an entire basket of cascarones. Sierra was by the door, waving as if prepared to help us unload. What she was actually doing was serving as a distraction AND war correspondent thanks to her phone filming capabilities.

Changing location for our parking spot ruined Adam’s initial plan, so he waited until we had turned around the front tree, then dashed to the side of the travel trailer. Sierra came around the other side, again distracting us from the real danger. Then the moment Mireya and I stepped out of the car, he leapt from his hiding space and BLAMMO got Mireya on the head and ran for me.

Despite my often-lauded lightning fast reflexes, I stood there completely confused until BLAMMO a shower of confetti was all over my head. Fortunately, Mireya, who apparently has a great tactical brain, managed to disarm him and ran away with the rest of the ammo. All of this action was captured by Sierra, the cell phone war correspondent.

I did have a tiny bit of revenge a little later in the week, but it was nowhere as well executed as that attack. However, there are still quite a few cascarones left, so I’m still plotting. It’ll take a while because he’s pretty jumpy right now. As he should be, my friends. As he should be.

Winter Prosapio is a writer, a wife, and a working mom of two girls, two cats, and one ridiculously enthusiastic terrier mix.

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